Watch this fantastic ‘musical’ about Ryanair, the World’s most hated airline, performed by alternative comedy stand-up group “Fascinating Aida”.
Our favourite bit…
“Then at last we reached the airport where we had to pay a fine, The fecking feckers charged us ’cause we hadn’t checked in online, And finally aboard the flight there’s an extra class (?) of tax, ‘Cause the fecking fecking feckers fecking charge to use the jacks, Cheap flights, cheap flights, I think you must agree, That only fecking gobshites think there’s flights for 50p, (Feck, shite, feck, shite, feck, shite, arse) (Feck, shite, shite, feck, feck, shite, arse)
Ryanair, the World’s most hated airline, have had a pretty crap year and we have been busy ensuring that you heard all about it. From breaches of safety to being ordered to pay compensation to passengers, employing the nastiest scams in order to rip you all off, closing routes without notice, low level buzzing of grannies and making nasty threats to Boeing. It’s what Ryanair are all about!
A year in the life of Ryanair.
Following a quiet January. Ryanair cocked up by locking in fuel prices of $124 a barrel for 80 per cent of its consumption during the third quarter, but the price of oil collapsed to a low of $33. This left O’Leary €102 million in the red.
In late February, rumours starting doing the rounds that O’Leary was looking at imposing a charge on his aircraft for using the toilet. We thought this really took the piss and reported it on the 27th Feb in our article “Spend a penny? How about a pound“.
March was all about the Ryanair Porn Star Edita Schindlerova. The 22 year old secretly appears in X-rated movies and gets a good shafting as ‘Edita Bente’ when not part of shafting Ryanair customers.
In April, Mr O’Leary came up with his idea of a Ryanair Fat Tax for over weight passengers. For logistical and legal reasons, the plan died. Human rights advocates also believed that it may have resulted in an absurd situation where the airline was unable to charge its fattest passengers because that would classify as discrimination against the disabled but would be able to charge the “mildly overweight”!
June was the month of the Ryanair scam but not before they somehow managed to piss off the Queen of Spain after they used a photo of Queen Sofia in an advertisement for the budget airline.
The scams then came thick and fast with Ryanair first launching the SMS booking confirmation scam. As we reported, if online check in is now mandatory, why the need for an SMS confirmation?
Then came the Ryanair coach ticket scam which offered tickets billed as being substantially cheaper than if you were to buy in the airport, a blatant lie and a time consuming scam for passengers.
This was followed by the Ryanair visa check scam. This has caught out thousands of passengers and netted Ryanair hundreds of thousands of pounds in illegal charges.
We also reported a shocking story regarding Ryanair employing transvestite cabin crew on their flights. The saucy little minx was spotted on a Ryanair flight from Stansted and looked thoroughly pleased with the attention she/he was getting whilst performing the pre-flight checks.
In July, Ryanair were reprimanded by the OFT following scores of complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority regarding their “free” flights. Ryanair were made to promise to give greater prominence to information regarding “optional” charges, such as those for checking in luggage.
O’Leary also decided that making passengers stand on flights would allow him to squeeze a few more onboard and thus a few more pennies into his fat piggy bank. Passengers would be eligible for a 50% saving if they booked these “vertical seats”. Quite how a 50% discount from a ticket that is being already sold at only £1 can attract anyone we just don’t know.
We announced on 17th July – “Ryanair leaving you in middle of nowhere again” – that Ryanair were launching new services from Oslo (Rygge). Here we demonstrated that Rygge is so far away from Oslo and flies to such poorly located airports that a trip to Barcelona would take over 8 hours.
In August, Ryanair accused the company that runs Stansted airport (BAA) of being “a bunch of overcharging rapists” and that they were “scamming” the airlines that use these airports. Ha ha ha, how hypocritical of you Mr O’Leary.
October saw an opportunity for Ryanair, Ireland’s largest carrier, to show solidarity with it’s country folk traveling to Paris for the France v Ireland World Cup clash by lowering fares. They duly increased fares to Paris by 1000%. Nice one O’Leary.
Ryanair kicked off November with an announcement that they were planning on increasing the “fine” passengers who forget to print out their own boarding cards are made to pay to €100. Mr O’Leary claimed the fee increase would help eliminate the number of passengers who show up at check-in desks without their boarding pass.
Some good news followed when we reported that Surfbox, an Irish internet company, were offering print outs of passenger boarding cards as a service for just €1. Surfbox said 100 Ryanair passengers a day are printing off their boarding cards at its kiosks in Dublin airport. The estimated loss in ancillary revenue to Ryanair stands at about €117,000 per month
Ryanair replied by closing all six of its routes to and from Basel, Switzerland’s third largest city. Basel airport had refused to be shafted by the demands Ryanair where making over airport fees. Good on them we say.
November 9th saw the inaugural Holiday Extras Customers’ Awards 2009 take place at a stylish ceremony at The Hempel Hotel in London. It came as no surprise to see that Ryanair, the world’s most hated airline, won absolutely nothing.
A court in Dublin then awarded three Ryanair passengers €6,000 (£5,300) in compensation for a flight that was cancelled in 2007. The customers had booked the flight from London to Carcassonne, France, in September 2007, and when it was cancelled had sought redress from Ryanair. With none forthcoming, they contacted EUClaim, a Netherlands-based company that represents airline passengers.
We followed up with a report that Ryanair were being sued by members of a small community near the northern German city of Lübeck who have filed a lawsuit against the grotty, evil, Irish carrier after a low-flying plane allegedly put an 82-year-old woman in the hospital.
Bad tempered O’Leary obviously then got the hump and decided to start bullying Boeing into lowering it’s fees on a potential 200 aircraft deal.
A website visitor then alerted us to the fact that Ryanair were closing ALL flights in and out of Bristol in 2010.
In an effort to cover up the nosediving public opinion, Ryanair launched it’s new corporate logo to be painted on all its aircraft. The no-thrills airline hired a top Dublin based branding consultancy to come up with the design that better reflects company values.