Spankthenews.com report that “Airport security checks have in recent year become absurdly excessive, with passengers being required to scan laptops separately and remove their shoes, but Ryanair has said you can keep your shoes on if you give them more than your shoes are worth“.
Apparently Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary commented “Our customers have been complaining about the checks for a number of years, so I had to ask myself my favourite question: how can I squeeze some money out of the bastards from this? It was obvious. Make them pay more to actually do less, in traditional Ryanair style.
“Those eejits can have anything they want if they’re willing to pay an extortionate amount for it.”
Spankthenews reckon that suicide bombers have welcomed the news of a possible reduction in security procedures but that they point blank refuse to carry out operations on Ryanair aircraft because they consider travelling on this sad excuse of an airline “a fate even worse than death“.
Spankthenews asked wannabe martyr Tariq Ovpiz about his opinions on flying Ryanair. He said “Seriously, it’s horrible. Not only do you lose the will to live, but you even lose the will to die. The last time I flew with them, the chair was so fucking tight that I got cramp in my arm and I couldn’t even set my detonator off. Osama gave me a right bollocking for that one.”
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